i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
