so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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