Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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