apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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