I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize