God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
