watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
