i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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