my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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