i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
