i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
