We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
