K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
