i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
