You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
