I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
