I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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