There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
