if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
