There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
