Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
