i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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