if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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