Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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