I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
