Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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