I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize