Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize