What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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