i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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