Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
