Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
