You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my being single is dangerous.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
where are you?
Hypothermia
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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