Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
