I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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