I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
