Cold hands, warm shart.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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