Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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