she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
