Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's shark week go big or go home
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
