how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
