Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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