At least make sure they are 18
Why
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
