The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
