Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
