Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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