I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
