dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
