Please, let me fuck your mom
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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