my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
