I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
