my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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