I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
