I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
