I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
