she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
